Leeches! (DVD)

[MaK10]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0339288/

So after falling asleep at like 7:30PM last night after work, I woke up around 10PM wide awake with no desire to go back to sleep. The girlfriend called, so I talked to her for awhile, and despite yawning the entire time, thinking I was still tired, I had no desire to go back to sleep for some reason. So back in my bedroom I notice that the little red light on my Tivo is on, meaning its recording something on channel 160... what the fuck channel is 160? Sometimes Tivo gets a mind of its own and records random shows in spanish and asian talk, so I figured it was one of those. Upon turning on the TV I was greeted with giant leeches sucking some some kids face and the fastest cuts I've ever seen in a movie. Not to mention the bright flashes of white, which I assumed were to make the leeches seem "real" as opposed to puppets. So whatever, with nothing to do I rewound the Tivo to the beginning of the movie with no intentions of actually watching the whole thing. The whole premise of the movie is that there are kids on a college campus, which looks like a summer camp, who are practicing for some big meets on the swim team. The one guy, SteveO, is dealing steroids and begins to fill in most of the team on whats going on. Most of the team then begins to take steroids. So the night before the 1st big meet, they go out and party. SteveO tells one kid to take a lot of the steroid pills so that he can be strong for the meet the next day. HAHA! first off I think you need to work out for steroids to work and 2nd I dont think they take effect instantly the day after, as if your a super hero of some sort, but what do I know. So anyways, dude takes a handful of the horse tranquillizer pills and washes them down with some hard liqour. Cut to a few hours later and the bottle is almost gone and the dude is stumbling around by the pier. For whatever reason he decides he needs to jump in the lake (yes a lake, I swear its a summer camp not a college campus) So he jumps in for literally 3 seconds, and rolls back out onto the pier and thats when we see them!! LEECHES!! Theres about 5 of them on his back. Now at this point the leeches are supposed to be normal size, but they were seriously like 5 inches long and 2 inches thick. Thats the biggest fucking leech I've ever seen. But yeah, so he rolls around screaming blah blah, fade to black. People wake up in the morning and cant find him for the meet, goto the meet without him and end up losing miserably, then his dead body shows up. Now apparently cause the leeches sucked out all his steroid ridden blood, the leeches grow to be about 15 inches long and about 5 inches wide and they go on a killing spree. Everyone dies except the "nerdy" science guy and his girl.

As far as special effects go, the giant leeches seriously looked like a dude with his hand up a sock painted green. They never showed the tails of the leeches in the close-up death scenes, so Im sure thats what they were doing. It was similar to those gloves you had as a kid, the ones that were an alligator with the eyes, and the tongue and shit... only it was supposed to be a leech. Ridiculous. Needless to say I stayed up and watched the entire fucking thing. Literally the gayest movie I've ever seen... and I dont mean that in the "it was fucking awful" way. I mean it was clearly shot for gay men by gay men. With all the slow motion shots of the swim dudes and ugly chicks... seriously gay. I only kept watching for the shear hillarity of the death scenes. But this leads me to my next point.

How does shit like this ever get made? I understand its for the Sci-Fi network, although apparently you can buy this shit on DVD as well. But what kind of independant film company picks this shit up for distribution? From what I've read on imdb, its not the filmmakers only movie either. Fuck, i have a screenplay, its 100x better than this bullshit, it relates to everyone and is ridiculous at the end, wheres my movie deal! Oh well, most of it comes down to who you know, and I clearly know nobody. But I'd rather know nobody and never get my script optioned than have it end up like this piece of shit movie. For the love of god dont watch this movie. The only good part of the movie was the commercial for some Sci-Fi pirate movie thtas gonna be on in july. The pirate was getting a lap dance from a stripper and she was drop dead gorgeous... wow.